In.My.Own.World

Hey, I wanted that...

2008-08-01T16:20:00.002-04:00

In Pursuit of True Happiness

Well, I was always told that when you want something, first you have to want it bad, then you basically put your all in getting to it. Ok, so I want something and the thing is I had it, but...
Its kinda complicated....As a Christian, you have something to work around and its called the will of God. Its a hard thing to accept but has so many benefits. So according to Gods will I cant have what I want and its killing me...But then again, I have made a promise that I will run after God, if he leads me.....So this is where it all begins....

How bout a round of applause?

2008-07-29T20:18:00.003-04:00

In Pursuit of True Happiness

So I went to an open mic restaurant with my friends Nancy and Charita. We had so much fun that day. First we went to Apple bees to eat and then we went to the club called Five Spot. So we went to that spot and it was cool, real dark and a band playing. The band was pretty nice. So we order some drinks and we just sat there....yeah, we sat there...It seemed that there was no one that looked like our "type of crowd" there. So we sat there....So about 12 am, a bunch of black people came rushing the club. Ok, they didn't rush the club, but they sure did come out of no where. So we were like this is more like it. LOL...well they started the open mic and i didn't wanna sign up. Im not really shy when it comes to singing in church but, singing outside is real scary. So finally the sign up lady kept coming to our table and insisted that we sign up. Apparently a guy heard us singing in the background of someone singing on stage....nosey people! Anyways, I decided to sing. So i had to think of a song to sing with the band before they called me. I thought of my look and my twin..Rihanna. I love the song Take a Bow. But, wait! I don't know the second verse like that. So i tell the lady and she makes this girl write it out for me. So they call ,my name a second later and the girl is not finished writing it out. I was so nervous. Im shaking in my pants and at the same time Im walking on stage without the words. OK, so I called the lady and said Where are the words?! So she ran and got the words...Ok I was ready...
"You look so dumb right now, standing outside my house..." and then came SILENCE! Oh my gosh, now I forgot the first verse. Who looks so dumb right now? ME!! Any who, Im such a G...I told the band stop and start over. lol...omg I really just did that. So the band started over. "You look so dumb right now, standing outside my house..." SILENCE! Whatever I continued. The rules say that you have one chance to make a fool of yourself. Ok i made that up but so what? Now I kept singing and I eventually got thru the song. I did real good!! "How bout a round of applause, a standing ovation?"

Third day of my trilogy

2008-07-29T19:55:00.002-04:00

In Pursuit of True Happiness

So the final day of these "adventures" was yesterday. Yesterday was the Tye Tribbett concert and Mary Mary, and Ricky Dillard was there. It was long, long lines going around the blocks and stuff. It was so crazy. Now, Kennard got the hookups and got his mom to get us VIP tix. So we were in the front, seated in chairs and stuff with all the artists..Yes, Jezreel got it like that. Anyways the concert was so poppin...Tye Tribbett killed it of course, Ricky Dillard was OK and Mary Mary was nice. But the concert overall was nice, it was my first bug concert and I wanna do it again..lol, if you wanna know more about these adventures read my besties page. Click here...

Second Day of Trilogy

2008-07-29T19:44:00.002-04:00

In Pursuit of True Happiness

So Sunday morning, after the concert of dedication to God for me...Jezreel had to minister at 8 o clock service. We were supposed to minister Free but Matthew said he had no voice to sing Free. But that night after the concert and after my encounter with JC, he revealed to me that Free was the song and that the people needed to free from their sins and bondage's. Ok, so we decided Free was the way to go. We came to the service and we sang Free, no we ministered Free..Many people were touched by the song. I felt that everything that happened in the concert the night before, was confirmed by that song...God works in mysterious ways...
Sunday night was the conference with a preacher named Sherlock something and he was really good. Basically I knew that God had something for me, to lift things from me and to take away unlike things from me. I felt really good after that conference and I was ready for more...

First day of my Trilogy

2008-07-29T19:22:00.003-04:00

In Pursuit of True Happiness
So...Saturday, July 26th was the Culture day for the church El Shaddai. Jezreel, AMM and other groups had to minister. Well it was real cool, other than the fact that it was in a driveway....Umm, the food was ok, and the people were nice. Oh...Jezreel definitely came and represented. It was real nice. We sang three songs [Free, Boneless lol, and Your Joy]. The songs were nice. We sound beautiful. Kennard kinda messed up his words and he got reall upset...being that he is a perfectionist, but, we were there to support him 100%. Anyways, we left after AMM ministered, and went to Dre [from AMM] just to chill. We bought food and just chilled....It was real cool so we decided to stay the day with Matthew being that his group had to minister at a concert later that night. So, we all waited for Matthaus' father and he came and drove us to the concert venue. We came in and Jezreel sound checked the mics for some reason..lol...anyways, we sat and waited for the concert to start. So it started kinda late, you know black people time...And it was pretty good. There were a few people that stuck out to me. There was a lady that sang Encourage Yourself and she killed it...matter of fact she abolished it LOL...I was so touched, I felt a tear coming out. Also there was this guy that sang Holy by Donnie McClurkin and he sound just like Donnie. He was just kinda weird looking with a mow hawk but it doesnt matter now does it?...Umm, there was a girl named Esther Lormil [who Sam happens to be in love with] and she came with her crew and ripped the stage. She was rockin like crazy "WE ARE CHRISTIANS, MIGHTY MIGHTY CHRISTIANS"...Powerful message. They started talking about Christians that sing to each other and not to the people who need Christ. Like that makes so much sense..We hold concerts and rallies for the youth of the church who know God...Like we need to do more street evangelism...That night was so powerful and I kinda needed it. It really encouraged me to become more faithful to God and his way....I kept saying my soul says yes...in my sleep and all...powerful!!

Warming on my own...

2008-07-21T13:50:00.002-04:00

In Pursuit of True Happiness
So the bible says one cannot warm themselves on their own...So basically we need people in our life. Sometimes people become so stressful that I feel that I dont need anyone. People let me down 24/7, so I might as well be without people. I dont need the stress in my life.Every time I get sick and go to the hospital, my doctors claim its stress related. So why do I need that extra stress...I really don't, so I'm not searching for any extra relationships in my life!! Friendly or intimately...I dont need the aggravation. Basically these are the characteristics I deal with...
a/ Theres someone that is doing wrong and as much as I try to help them to change, they keep on going back into their mess...I DON'T NEED THE STRESS
b/Theres someone who gets mad very quick over the pettiest things...I DONT NEED THE STRESS
c/Theres someone who calls me 24/7 and doesnt stop being so annoying...I DONT NEED THE STRESS
d/Theres someone who doesnt know how to keep it real, so they beat around the bush for everything...I DON'T NEED THE STRESS
e/Theres someone who feels that everyone should bow to them..I DONT NEED THE STRESS
f/Theres someone who got too attached...IDNTS
There is much more but I think you got the point...Lets say it together..I DONT NEED THE STRESS!!

How can you be tired?

2008-07-10T16:54:00.002-04:00

In Pursuit of True Happiness
So everyone who knows me knows that I'm ALWAYS sick. People say its because I don't eat, some say its because I don't take vitamins and others say I'm "indirectly stressed"[whatever that's supposed to mean] but all of that can be factors. But....one thing that gets me going, makes me nuts, drives me up and off the walls is when my mother [my dearest mother] says "I'm sick and tired of you being sick"...How can YOU be sick and tired of ME being sick? That is not logical at all. I'm sick and tired of me being sick...I have to deal with it. Not you! People act like I ask these things on my self....Maybe when I was 5 at my big party,I blew out the candles and wished to have a sickness...OR Maybe when I was 7 and I said my prayers, I asked God to curse me instead of bless me, OR Maybe at 16 making my New Years Resolutions, my last one on the list was I need to get a sickness..NO! I didn't ask for this, so I'M sick and tired of dealing with it. Sorry I just had to vent....

Im Feeling like a Star...

2008-07-08T14:21:00.003-04:00

In Pursuit of True Happiness

Today my mom came to me and said why don't you grow your hair? And i was sooo mad because I hate going through this with people. The first time I wanted to grow my hair was because my cousins kept saying "Your hair was so long, Y would you do that?". The second time was my ex boyfriend, who automatically came out and said "I prefer girls with long hair." And now my mother says "You look like a boy." I hate people telling me what they think if Im already happy. I wish everyone would worry about themselves and stop worrying about my hair. I feel like if Im happy, you should be happy. Its so annoying and it does nothing for my self confidence. Anyways, the only way Im growing my hair is if I want long hair. And right now, I feel like a star with short hair...=]

Gravity...

2008-07-08T14:08:00.002-04:00

In Pursuit of True Happiness
So, yesterday I wanted to change my myspace page because my best friend Sam gave me a new website to these hot layouts. So I went out the website and found this nice layout. Its cool, and its all about summer and having a good summer blah blah blah...basically I like it alot. It has a place where I could basically blab about whatever I want. Ok, well this is not really about the profile but the song on the profile. This song is called Gravity by Sara Bareilles and she is one of my favorite singers. Her songs speak indirect truth about love and hurt and all that good stuff. But anyways, the song lyrics are speaking a girl who is in love with this guy and she cant have him for various reasons. She is talking about his gravity that keeps pulling her back down and she knows he loves her and she loves him but something is hindering them from being together. This song speaks to me sooo much because I want someone but yet I cant have them. We were together for 2 years and went our separate ways and dated other ppl but yet we still love and want each other. Its confusing and strange and at the end of the day, it hurts....

Sara Bareilles Lyrics "Gravity"

Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long. No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone.
You hold me without touch. You keep me without chains. I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.
CHORUS Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity. Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be. But you're on to me and all over me.
You loved me 'cause I'm fragile. When I thought that I was strong. But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.
CHORUS Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity. Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be. But you're on to me and all over me.
I live here on my knees as I Try to make you see that you're Everything I think I need here on the ground. But you're neither friend nor foe though I Can't seem to let you go. The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down You're keeping me down, yeah But you're onto me, onto me and all over
Something always brings me back to you It never takes too long

2008-07-07T23:48:00.002-04:00

In Pursuit of True Happiness
So I got some cramps and my mother went to fill my prescription for pain killers. So these pain killers came and I was hype because I was in pain...Well, you see I took the pills and the pain immediately went away after 5 minutes...So, why dont i seem enthusiastic? These pills seem so great but, (yes there is a but) the side effects are ridiculous. I am extremely drowsy. Drowsy is not even the word, I am drainnnnned....No energy, like Im not sleepy and my eyes are closing kinda thing. This is so dumb.

But guess what, I read the bottle and not only does it say take with large consumptions of food, but it says 600 MILLIGRAMS...=\

Time for Closing

2008-07-07T13:13:00.003-04:00

In Pursuit of True Happiness

So i definitely just wrote a whole blog and it didnt go through and it definitely erased itself ,ugh...So...here it goes again.
Well Im now at a point in life where Im no longer looking for happiness thru love. I have sought for love and now that all that Ive found was all wrong, I know its time. There were two major relationships that pushed me to this "life revolution". 1. I was with my highschool sweetheart for 2 years and he is was seriously a sweetheart. The only thing is that with him I was changing myself slowly. I didnt like who I was becoming. 2. I was with my best friend for 7 months and I really thought every thing was final, this was it. But, he wasnt too mature when it came to relationships. So, everything that I searched for and found only felt like the real deal bc I was trying to fill something that I never truly felt. With all of that said, Im not at a deadend with all that finding love stuff, but you could say this is a long red light....

Once in a million EVENT....

2008-06-20T13:20:00.005-04:00

In Pursuit of True Happiness

This event only happens once in a blue moon....When was the last time you saw a blue moon? Anyways, yesterday at approximately 2:00pm, I COOKED. Yes I repeat I cooked! So basically, I was so bored and my mom complains that all I do is clean my own room, buy food for me and enjoy myself. LOL. I dont understand the problem. But anyways she basically wanted me to cook for her, being that Im a good cook and all..lol=] So, I looked in the cupboards and fridge to find sum stuff. I couldnt find what i needed, so i decided that it would just be potluck...

For those of you who dont know what potluck is::

Potluck: n. (paht-luc) lol.... a mixture of products in your kitchen that have no relevance, but is made into a dish, usually in a pot. ex: Mom, i see franks, vegetables and peas. "Yeah, we having potluck."

Ok so now that we are all on the same page, let me explain what I did and found.

So heres all of the ingredients that I found in the fridge/cupboard:

*tomato sauce

*creamy alfredo cheese

*chopped meat

*bowtie noodles

*peas and carrots

*breadcrumbs

*seasonings

*egg

So anyways, being that I love helping people **cough** I will gladly give away my new recipe.

Ok, first you should boil the noodles with salt and butter. Dont let it get too soft.

Then, you cook the meat with seasoning. Make sure the meat is no longer pink. Take into consideration the stomachs that will be partaking.

Then you steam the veggies with butter.

After wards you put the egg yolks on the noodles, put all ingredients in a baking pie bowl.

AND BAKE!

Thats all you getting.....L8R!

By the way that picture is NOT the final product of my food, is not my food at all!!! LOL

Extreme Makeover: Bianca Edition

2008-06-18T17:05:00.004-04:00

In Pursuit of True Happiness

I was over thinking some things in the construction world and I was evaluating certain processes that they have to incorporate. Well I don't know if any of you have ever seen the show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Well in that show basically, they pick special families that either went through something tragic or is an inspiration to the community etc. Basically the family is considered unique, peculiar, different in some shape or form. Keep that in mind. Now they come to the house and along with many of the community members and they break the entire house down. All of these people contribute in the breaking down process. Every time I watch the show, I see that they do this part with a nonchalant attitude. They just break the house with no care of the valuables inside or even the $40,000 shutters grandpa just put on the house. This all does not matter. Now after the house is shattered, the debris is all cleaned up and removed so that the new building could be placed there. Keep this also in mind. Now they start to rebuild the house and make sure that everything that will benefit the whole plan would be in place. These new materials, ideas, and equipment will all surpass the old things. Keep that also in mind. When the project is done, the family can now come back to regular living in their new furnished home. Well with all that said here is the spiritual aspect.... I have just experienced something in my life (once again), where it was more than I could bear. I became confused with life and my purpose. I was defeated in a sense where life had no meaning to me. Now, you may ask how the house and building story has to do with anything? Well. What i know is that in order for my soul, spirit, mind to be new and refreshed, something needs to be broken down. There was great need of destruction of things that were not pleasing to God and things that didn't concern him. In order for this "new house" to be put in place, the old needed to be removed. The people in this story serves as the enemy breaking down your thoughts, your joy, your understanding for life, But what he doesn't know is that, he is helping you right now. He has helped me by placing these obstacles in my way because I'm only learning how to fight...Look at your breaking points as your training to defeat whatever the devil throws your way...

Forgive,Forget, then Fast Forward.

2008-06-09T11:37:00.005-04:00

In Pursuit of True Happiness
Throughout my life, I have had many ups and downs in regards to people and the way they act, the way i react and how relationships fall apart. I have many things that I hold inside, or I wouldnt say hold inside but I let it out to either my close friends or just write it down to get it out. Last year i was in a relationship with this guy that I thought I was gonna be with forever. I was so "lovestruck" and it made me extra blind. Anyways to make a long story short, I went thru mad stuff with his family and I was overwhelmed. I left the relationship and stopped it in its tracks. This caused pain for both me and him, but when you have to give something up that you want, it has to be done. [A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.] So basically, he stopped talking to me and at first i was bothered by it bc during the relationship we said if we were to break up, we would stay friends. But I guess bc of the way things happened, he was hurt by it. But I forgave him for being so immature and non-understanding. I forgot about everything his family put me through. And I fast forwarded my life and got what I really wanted. [Well who I really wanted.] Anyways, the mess continued. It was only the beginning. After getting with my present boyfriend, many other things started to happen. Many of my friends who liked my boyfriend stopped talking to me. I had alot of forgiving, forgetting and fast forwarding to do. Some ppl havent done the same but I did my part. I just always knew tht if you dnt forgive, God cant forgive you. But its so crazy that as I was claiming tht forgiveness was the hardest thing for me, many trials came so tht i could be tested. Thats the thing that holds me and I wanna be free.....

Do You Remember the time?

2008-06-06T21:48:00.003-04:00

In Pursuit of True Happiness

Today was Ashleys prom. Yeah she was all dolled up and looking all sexified.=]I designed her dress and did a marvelous job. I picked her hair design and all. I was just thinking, I should be a prom coordinator lol. Anyways, Im just missing my prom day, June 6th 2007...I remember it like it was yesterday. "Memories dont live like people do.." I was in my golden dress, golden shoes, golden purse, golden eyes...ok maybe im lying about the eyes but so what. But I was sooo happy, i thought i was a princess. Princess B..that sounds right. People go all out for prom now a days. I was so simple and now everybody wants the extravagant look. Anyways hopefully she has a great time, better than i did in 07. To those who havent had their proms yet, have a great time, enjoy yourself and dont do anything I wouldnt do...L8R!!

What is true worship?

2008-06-05T17:12:00.006-04:00

In Pursuit of True Happiness
Well, yesterday was Jesus Day at Brooklyn Tech High School and of course Jezreel was up in there. Myself, my bunny monster, Kennard, Sam and Mikey came through to usher in the presence of God. Well the BT band did praise and worship and it was kind of weird. Im not sure if Im not used to that type of "worship" or if it was just all wrong. Being a praise and worship leader, you can conclude that I am critical when it comes to this subject. Well, the songs were great, I mean their from God, so what else would they be. But the whole approach was kinda off. My brother Sam put the band together and he is someone I look up to as in the way he presents himself. He allows God to use him in soo many ways, its crazy. I just admire his desire for God. Well anyways he came up with the band idea and he is a true worker for God, so I knew that his intentions were great. I just felt that the players, along with the singers, did not fully understand the true meaning of worship. I didnt understand how many people can "worship" God with their mouths closed. The Word says "I will bless the Lord at all times and his praise shall continually be in my mouth." When I first saw this type of worship, I just thought in my mind that I am too used to Pentecostals and the dancing and jumping and shouting, that as I look around the world, things are different. But this time, my whole mindset changed bc at the end of praise and worship I felt the same after as I felt before I came. The atmosphere was dead and it seemed that the pnw singers just sang the songs and the "audience" reacted as though they were at a concert and not in the midst of the presence of God. I stress this because I feel true worship is what will take the church to another level. The main reason why people become so depressed is because worship has become more of something we have to do, rather than a lifestyle that we desire. So, how do we get to the place that God wants us to be? Consistency, Strong desire and Endurance in worship will take us there.
1. Consistency takes place when we make worship our lifestyles. Not only when we simply say "Lord we worship you, You are worthy...etc" but our lives honoring God, serves also as worship. Everything we say, do and want to do serves as worshipping God as well. (Romans 12:1)
2. Strong desire takes place when we say we seriously want God to reign in our lives. When someone cleans their room just because they have to, it becomes so routine like. But when we start to clean our room simply because its dirty, we desire cleanliness. This is the same way that worship works, we have to want it. (Psalm 40:8)
3.Endurance is one of the most important factors. When we experience our hardship, we tend to sulk in our misery. But true worship comes in when we worship through our mess. When we decide to share Gods glory, we share his suffering also. So instead of becoming consumed with your problems, we need to learn to worship God through our pain. (John 4:23)
Anyways I feel like Im about to preach a sermon.lol=]. So thats just how I felt yesterday. Im done. Toodles!